Cronos God of Time, Space, and Comedy
by Dr. Tomoe
Summary: What do you get when you ignore a god's rules one to many times? A very trying day.


Cronos god of time space and comedy  
  
This is your standard disclaimer, I created none of these characters except one, got it. The Sailor Senshi, despite popular beliefs, aren't mine. So remember that, Naoko Takeuchi, you can't sue me for this and cause you can't find me, nana nanana. Knew I should have taken my ridilin this morning.  
  
  
  
As everyone knows gods are immortal, they can't die. They laugh at the sight of an A-bomb, scoff at the sight of automatics, and even country western doesn't faze them, well almost all of them. One god somehow someway turns out to be mortal, ever youthful, but mortal. He hates country western, actually can't understand how that and rap are considered music. His name is Cronos the god of time. Right now he's a nerdy, whimsical, young teenager that likes anima's that have cute girls in fukus saving the universe. See a pattern yet? Many people wonder why Cronos, actually lets use the name he prefers to refer to himself as, Arther Perfect, Arther doesn't allow people to move though time freely. We'll you see he's lazy, sits and watches anima, eats five square meals a day, thinks its to much paperwork etc. ect. But, half way around the world, we (Ok you can never be half way around the world the place that person would have to be on would be so infinitesimally small that the actually place doesn't exist,) lately this rule has been broken many times, now we'll can see the full wrath of Cronos god of time.  
  
"Danm it again?!" a small glow was the only sign of what was happening, "Lord Zean my death will be avenged!"  
  
"Arther, time for bed!"  
  
Arher put down the controller, "Mom I'm in the middle of my game!"  
  
"I don't care, you have school tomorrow young man!"  
  
"Fine!" He slams sown the controller and as he does so a cold tingle runs along his spine, "God damn it!" He bellowed.  
  
"I don't want to hear that language young man your forebears can't be taken lightly."  
  
"Yes, mom." Arther closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. Some one had just came back from the future again, didn't they ever take his words to heart, no one many move though time, what's so difficult to understand about that?  
  
"Bed now mister!"  
  
He'd worry about that later as he tucked himself in for a good nights rest, hey a mans got to sleep.  
  
Half way around the world in the smaller portion of Tokyo, if such a thing exists lies Cronos's problem.  
  
"What are you doing back here you brat?!"  
  
"Making shure you don't screw up dumpling head."  
  
"With what?!"  
  
"Getting laid by Darien so I can be born."  
  
"Were did you learn language like that, you sound like at teen slut."  
  
"You'd be surprised how much you hear when you're 569 years old, I ain't a little kid."  
  
By now Darien's face was so buried in his shirt it makes a chiropractor in the adience feel sick. "Guys lets just sleep, OK?"  
  
Both Usagi and Chibi-Usa nodded.  
  
As she was tucked in, Chibi-Usa smiled. This was the night her mom had said had been so magical. To bad she fell asleep before she heard the cries of pleasure from the next room.  
  
  
  
A tingle whet down Arthur's spine, "Kuso," he swore under his breath, "Pluto's back guarding the door of time and space." The problem with killing Pluto was tremendous, actually it was impossible. The interdimensional plane that held the door has nether in the past, present, or future. That means that a few seconds after he killed Pluto, another one from a different time, about two seconds in the past appeared. He killed about three hundred Senshi that day and still Pluto remained. She had no concept of what happened just before but she wouldn't be dislodged from the door. Finally he gave up and decided just killing random Plutos at random times would become his stress reliever. He especially liked when he made it so the air suddenly just disappeared. Sitting back he began to wonder how to get rid of the small problem of people time traveling. So what if his power was huge to a power that can't be imagined, I mean large times colossal times immense. The power he used to transport people was not even a percentage of his power, he's just in a pissy mood. He sat up and snapped his figures. He'll go to Japan and explain to these people why they can't travel though time, simple. "Mom I'm going..."  
  
"To Japan to deal with those people you loath so much?"  
  
"Uhhh yea."  
  
You see having a Goddess for a mom isn't all its cracked up to be even if its only god of fling small yellow-green spherical objects on large red and green squares, they're still damn close to omnipotent. Cronos's father on the other hand was mortal making him easier to lie to. "Well have a fun trip and don't use all your summer vacation up, we have to go to tennis camp."  
  
  
  
Stepping out of the plane in Tokyo people were grumbling, "That was the longest flight ever." "It felt like days" "I thought it would never end." Now a trip to Japan takes almost an entire day, but this on this lasted a week. Though careful time space manipulations Cronos, who just stepped of the plane, had caused for each 20 seconds of real time out side the plane to pass, on the plane a whole minute went by. He had only effected the passengers not the plane itself, that way it still had plenty of fuel to make the trip. What he would really miss though was seeing all those people trying to figure out how their neat high tech digital watches are completely wrong, Arther is an evil god.  
  
"Ok, were do I begin to look for these girls." He sat down on a near by bench trying to figure out what to do.  
  
"Get back here you old goat." A old man ran by with a cute red head chasing after him.  
  
"Ranma take your punishment like a man" A blue haired girl waving a large wooden mallet followed closely behind. Arther sat watching the dust and thought how nice it would be to see those three at their own house. After dealing with his problem he would have to look into that.  
  
(This has no relevance to the story)  
  
Arther's light bulb suddenly popped on, "All the anime adventures start in the most unlikely spots, find that and I'll find the senshi." At that moment a small sheet of paper hit him in the face. Peeling it of he read it, "Grand opening of the new scrap metal shop." Naw that can't be were he should go its too unlik......, he walked of towards the shop.  
  
"Why are we at this scrap metal shop Rei." Usagi whined.  
  
"I thought you suggested it dumpling head." Rei retorted  
  
"Well for what ever reason we're here so why not take advantage of it"  
  
"AMI!!"  
  
Arther Perfect was a cat and he just found his mouse.  
  
"Give my all your money or I'm going to pump you full of lead."  
  
"Really?" Arther smugly replied.  
  
"Yea man don't you see this, it's a PPK like James Bond uses."  
  
"Actually he switched to the PP7, much more reliable."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yea, I'm a big fan."  
  
"It doesn't matter, your going to die if your wallet isn't at my feet in ten seconds." The man in the trench coat said.  
  
"You can't hit me from 5 feet away, not a chance."  
  
The man pulled the trigger and a puff a smoke bellowed from it as well as the thundering sound, too bad Tokyo so loud or some one would have heard it. He grins for a second then fell into shock.  
  
"Told you you'd miss."  
  
The man took two steps forwards and fired a second time. The Arther yawned tiredly, "Maybe you have blanks in that gun of yours."  
  
The man pointed at his own foot and fired. He screamed in pain.  
  
" That looked like it hurts."  
  
The man clutched his bleeding foot, causing him to fall over cursing.  
  
"I guess they weren't blanks after all." Arther turned and walked out of the alley smiling. He loved manipulating time.  
  
Suddenly besides him stood a man in a white toga and a staff with a snake wrapped around it. "Cronos?"  
  
"What do you want Mercury?"  
  
"Cronos God of Time and Space your actions are being brought to the Elder Gods conclave to be decide if they are moral strait." Mercury speedily reported. (Hey god messenger god pun)  
  
"You mean I'm being judged by being that took mortal shape, raped, and kidnapped women?"  
  
"That about sums it up cos."  
  
"Hey no problem they won't persecute me."  
  
"How do you know?" Mercury questioned.  
  
"I just went forward in time and asked myself what happened."  
  
He continued walking on.  
  
Mercury was glad blood ran thicker then employment or he'd have been in deep trouble.  
  
  
  
"Man, look at this." Usagi held up a metal statue of a bunny, "Its so cute I want it want it I WANTTTT IT!"  
  
"So buy, it its only 100 yen." Makoto suggested.  
  
"Hai!"  
  
There was suddenly a flash of light and Setsuna stood with the girls, "Princes Serenity I felt a large power coming this way and I came to warn you the force I feel can't be beat so easily."  
  
"That's right Pluto. Now you shall learn my power."  
  
Setsuna paused the voice, that voice, she know it though she had heard only once before.  
  
Pluto I picked you as guardian of this door of time because you are the only one who can hold the powers that I shall bestow you on you. The ultimate power you may reach is that of stopping time, but I forbid you from using it.  
  
Why is this sir?  
  
Ummmm well ..... the cosmic...... the ...... cause...... BECAUSE I, THE GOD OF SAPCE AND TIME, ARTHE....... CRONOS FORBID IT THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!  
  
End flash back in  
  
3  
  
2  
  
1  
  
"Cronos!!"  
  
"Pluto you have left the door of space and time" the man said. He put his hand out and a purple sphere rushed out striking Setsuna and with a scream she disappeared.  
  
The man smiled and ran his hand through his hair, "Taught her a lesson, man the was fun, I want to do it again!"  
  
Various plant names followed by a thunderous Make Up shattered the calm air.  
  
"We the Sailor Senshi shall not allow your evil deeds to go unpunished now its time for you to pay!"  
  
He smiled, "I thought so, you are they who has defied my wishes and traveled though time." Suddenly purple aura formed around him, "You shall pay."  
  
"Wait didn't Setsuna say he was Cronos before she was vaporized." Ami asked worriedly.  
  
"Yea so what Ami?"  
  
" Cronos is the God that gave Setsuna her powers."  
  
"Now you see," he said from across the scrap yard. "Though Cronos is only my formal title you may call me Arther Perfect. Nothing you can do can even faze me."  
  
There was a sudden flash of light, "Princes Serenity, a large power is coming......" she saw Arther and she stopped. "Aw crap this ain't good."  
  
"Why can't you just stay in the nether world were you belong?"  
  
"We'll I'm not going down with out at fight!"  
  
"Setsuna, isn't he immortal?"  
  
" No, he's only 50% deity, he is only eternally youthful not immortal."  
  
"That's more then enough out of you!" another purple blast destroyed Pluto once again.  
  
" Hey you can't do that! Mars flame Sniper!"  
  
The flame arrow flow strait at him, without warning he vanished.  
  
"Were did he go to?!"  
  
"Right here!" He was behind them on a pile of scrap metal.  
  
"Take this! Jupiter Coconut Cyclone!" The man put up his hand and a purple beam struck the attack. It creased half way. "What the heck."  
  
He laughed hardly, "My manipulation of time is absolute nothing you through at me can touch me."  
  
Unseen to him Chibi-moon had slunk behind him and with a small leap she smashed her wand on his head. He wavered for a half a second, "That was dirty." He let out a groan as he feel forward in a cold faint.  
  
"Princes Serenity, there's a large energy source comin....." she saw the landscape, "Hey isn't that Cronos?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
"Ok, for the first time in the existence of the universe, I'm at a loss."  
  
"Lets take him to the temple, its safest the place. We can explain there."  
  
"I'll teach you to grope me, you old fart!"  
  
"Naw naw can't catch me at my worst day, hey cute girls in mini-skirts!"  
  
"Got you!" sounds of destruction commence in the background.  
  
"Let's get out of here."  
  
(Again this has no point in this story)  
  
Arther's consciousness slowly approached his head, it hadn't had many enjoyable experiences there lately and was wondering at that moment how easy it was to get a divorce in this day in age. It slipped in to Arther's head reluctantly. First things first it said, it collected the senses.  
  
"Smell, whats up."  
  
"Cherry blossoms."  
  
"Got it, taste?"  
  
"Sir there's something important."  
  
"Hush, touch, taste?"  
  
"Blood."  
  
"Ok, we'll focus on that latter, now touch."  
  
"There's something tight on his arm."  
  
"What?! Where's sight?"  
  
He was crouched in a fetal position rocking back and forth humming.  
  
"Aw great, he finally snapped."  
  
"Come on sight tell use what's happening!"  
  
"Ra....ra.....ra..."  
  
"Say it louder."  
  
"Ropes."  
  
Consciousness decided he needed a drink so stepped out once again.  
  
"Man how long do you think he'll be out for?"  
  
"Don't know Rie, Chibi-usa really clocked him."  
  
"Can some one please tell me what's going on?  
  
"Ok Setsuna, we'll tell you all we know."  
  
Totally bombed and feeling in better spirits Arther's consciousness step in for a second go at this.  
  
"Ok, we're tided to a bed"  
  
"Yeap."  
  
"Tightly."  
  
"yeap."  
  
"Like a cloths on a laundry line."  
  
"That sums it up."  
  
"That's it I'm dragging out some higher thoughts out of bed." And consciousness tromped off to do just that.  
  
With a groan Arther's eyes opened.  
  
" bla bla bla bla bla blat's about it. He just was there."  
  
"Hey guys he's waking up."  
  
They ran to him, "Can you hear us?"  
  
"Its to early for this." Common sense complained.  
  
"Stuff it and work with me."  
  
Together they got stupidity up. Not the brightest move but, with only really one mind, a bombed mind at that, working it was the best they could do."  
  
"Hey, you, the lights are on but, no body's home?"  
  
"Stuff it fire bimbo."  
  
"Aw crap." Common sense had just woken up to reality, stupid was not good around women."  
  
Rie gently tapped Arther on the head,  
  
with a chair.  
  
Common sense right hocked stupidity back to sleep and went with conscious for another round of sake.  
  
"Rei we needed to ask him questions."  
  
"No one calls me a bimbo no one!"  
  
"But didn't you still go after Darien even though you know he was Usagi's?"  
  
"Um....... Yea but that's different!"  
  
"I still have to get even for that."  
  
"Usagi stop that, are you listening? USAGI!"  
  
Vicious tickling pursues.  
  
"Icido common sense-san."  
  
The two states took another glass of sake as they entered Arthers head. What they found was Chaos. He sat there to grinning at them; the real problem was that chaos was running ramped in Arther's unconscious brain. All the senses were running around doing everything but, the important one. Getting Arther out of this situation.  
  
"Looks like we'd better make some order of this."  
  
Surprisingly, in their drunken stupor this took all of 20 seconds and once again Arther awoke.  
  
"Nani.... What in the seven hells is happening! Let me up!"  
  
"Listen you your in no position to talk." Minako said standing over him.  
  
"The pits of Hell and their foul Master, not to make fun of my uncle, will seem like vacation if you don't let me GO!!!!!"  
  
"Pay him no heed Minako," Setsuna said smiling, "being only half god he needs hand movements to invoke his powers."  
  
Arther continued his struggles with the ropes that fastened him to the bed.  
  
"Now then, we want answers, and we want them now."  
  
"Yea like why you don't like me coming back to Tokyo." Chibiuas questioned.  
  
"And why you trap historians from viewing history as it happens." Ami inquired.  
  
"Its very bad karma to stop those innocents from doing what their hearts desire." Rei bitched.  
  
"Enough!!!"  
  
Arther was breathing heavy, fire burning brightly in his eyes as he pulled on the ropes with all his might, "I don't want people traveling back in time because of the heretical actions of my most trusted employee." Blood trickled from his wrists, his eyes burring into Pluto. "You are the reason I will never let any travel time again. You broke my first rule by becoming emotionally attached to that dork prince and then his daughter, but I could over look that. What I couldn't was you leaving the gate undefended and then STOPPING TIME!" He was pulling so hard that Makoto had to restrain him so he wouldn't hurt himself.  
  
"But, didn't you get mad the first time we went to the future with Chbi- usa? Pluto tried to kill us. That was before Pluto left the gate." Usagi asked.  
  
"No, I didn't, don't any of you understand space time radical equations?"  
  
From the blank stares from most, all exept Ami who was doing quick multivarible quesic ratios, he guessed not.  
  
"Time has no beginning or end, time flows not only in the way you perceive it, but in others as well. A cause may come before the circumstance that created the cause, causing the cause to be the reason the circumstance happens. That making the cause the circumstance that caused the cause which making it's self the circumstantial cause. Understand?"  
  
"Not a word." Makoto said instantniasly.  
  
"So what do we do with him?" Rei asked perplexity.  
  
"We let him go."  
  
The Sailor Senshi as well as Arther looked at Setsuna with faces people outside of anime could never achieve. "What are you talking about!" Minako asked.  
  
"Easy Minako, Cronos's problem is with me, so then he should get a chance to settle it with me, don't you think? Plus if what you said is true I can never truly die so no matter how you look at it I'm the best candidate."  
  
"Always a delegate Pluto, you were a perfect choice to guard the gate." Arther said as Ami untied him. He rubbed his wrists, "Since you've been so noble I'll let you decide where you die again."  
  
The Senshi surged angrily forward, Setsuna held them back by raising her hand, "The woods outside the city, now."  
  
Arther smiled ok. He snapped his fingers and the air suddenly became extremely heavy so it nearly choked out the inner Senshi, only Arther and Pluto seemed unaffected. The air suddenly returned to normal and they were standing on the cliff over looking the town.  
  
"You ready Pluto?"  
  
"Have been for the last five millennium." The staff of time appeared.  
  
"That old trick." In his hands another time staff appeared. This one however had horns on the top instead of a heat.  
  
"Looks like he cut out the middle of the heart to make it more masculine." Ami pointed out.  
  
"Crappy job he did too." Rei added.  
  
If either of the two combatants heard these remarks they ignored them completely.  
  
Suddenly both of them fazed out. Arther landed right were Pluto had been.  
  
"Tisk tisk tisk getting slow are we Cronos?"  
  
With an angry roar Arther flew after Pluto but, just before he hit she disappeared causing him to strike thin air. He twirled around to face Pluto. "How are you doing that!"  
  
"Simple, my power comes directly from you. By using more power then I could possible need it takes away from you."  
  
"What an oversight."  
  
"Yes my lord now I shall humble you with one blow!" Pluto rose her hands over her head, "Pluto Deadly Scream!" a sphere arouse from her hand and it flew at Arther. He placed his staff defensively at his face.  
  
The explosion blew the Sailor Senshi back and up rooted trees for miles around. As the dust cleared the Senshi stood up among the derby, "Pluto are you alright?"  
  
She breathed heavily leaning on her staff for support, "Yes but, I fear that channeling all that power has severally weakened me."  
  
"Pluto I knew you were cunning before but, now." From the falling dust Arther limped out, and although badly hurt he was in much better shape then Setsuna. "Because you impressed me I shall not destroy you and your friends." He smiled wearily.  
  
"Thank ....." Usagi began.  
  
"Don't thank me till the tomorrow." He hollowly laughed and with a flash disappeared.  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"Beets me Am's but, we'de better get home, its getting late."  
  
With that the Senshi walk into the sun set.  
  
(To bad they needed to go East to get home ^_^x)  
  
An hour later they were all safely tucked in their beds.  
  
The next morning.  
  
Miniko's telephone rang. Groggily she answered it , "Moshi moshi." Hysterical whines poured forth. "Usagi it's to early, calm down."  
  
"Emergency meeting Minako, Rei's temple. Take the back alleys." With that she hung up.  
  
"Whats that girl's problem?" Minako asked herself as she went back up stairs. She opened her closet and her jaw dropped, "N-n-nani?!"  
  
Minako sneaked in the back entryway to Rei's temple wearing a large trench coat. As she entered she meet a sight that would have killed most men. The entire Sailor Senshi group wore clothing that showed . . . . . well the things that made men drool. Rei's grandfather was unconscious in the corner with massive blood loss from his nose. "You guys too." Minako asked.  
  
"Yea," Rei said her leopard bra top giggled in response to her motions, "all of our cloths turned into these."  
  
"It seems unlikely that this happening to us all is coincidence." Ami said plucking the back of her tong trying to keep it covering some part of her.  
  
"I don't see what's so bad." Chibi-usa said as she spun around in her leotard and bunny ears.  
  
"Must you wear the ears?" Usagi yelled feeling very apprehensive in a matching suit, minus the ears.  
  
"They make me look cute!"  
  
"Any way it can only be one person." Lita said admiring the tight green teddy she wore making a mental note to keep it (().  
  
"That being Cronos." Setsuna said adjusting the lab short lab coat to cover her bear rear.  
  
"I say we all go to America and teach him a lesson." Minako shouted letting the trench coat go revealing the dominatrix outfit underneath.  
  
"Yea!"  
  
Arher smiled as he played Super Smash Bro. tm. His mom looked over at him quizzically, "Arther, what in Valhalla's dining hall are you smiling at?"  
  
He turned to her, "I think that that was the last time I'll be seeing the Sailor Senshi. If not we can at lest be friends." He went back to playing.  
  
What can I say, half-gods aren't good fortunetellers.  
  
  
  
Hey its done! This is the first fanfiction written on the computer I've ever finished. Yea! It probable doesn't help all my other works are hundreds of pages long (Literally). Any flames or other wise are exepted(Espesialy spelling errors found....woops () I want you to know that I have the utmost respect for the Sailor Senshi, except Michiru who I didn't included for a reason (she always ends up dying in my other fictions {shrug} and Rei, which I hope, was expressed deeply in my work. (Fire bimbo) Hey get away from me with that mallet, it was only a joke! Some one call the American Embassy.  
  
And hopefully that is the last of the author, we hope. 


End file.
